I gotta stop lugging the past into my present
Stop lying to myself
Drop the denial
Look myself in the mirror and see myself
I’m not everything you may be proud of
but I found the undeniable truth of me
Even if I can’t show you
I went to the edges of my comfort level
Broke my sanity
And jumped into the most ludicrous of oceans
A body of water greater than my souls morality
Tugged and pulled, nearly ripped apart
I fought for myself, for you, for them…I bathed in assumptions and dried off with a veil of wisdom beyond understanding…
I saw myself in the cracks, the flaws of my salty pruned skin…
And I loved the ugliness and hid my truth because it was just too much to understand…
So I’m in denial until further notice because I’m certain you’ll never love the darkness I discovered…
Black and beautiful
being a dumb ass part one..
understand i didn’t know i was refusing to believe i was a fuck up.
Yeah i was writing about how terrible i am and how i hate the decisions i make and my life is unbearable and blah fucking blah. self pity shit. shit that isn’t going to get me anywhere if I don’t admit that i have to stop these things I have to stop blaming other. I got to look. Damn it look at me and love and hate me. accept and then attempt to change me. But how do i fix all those burnt bridges.
but i was in denial and refusing to see the addict i the mirror.
I see her she borrows money. Gets jobs is a go getter can keep it straight for a minute but then somewhere down the line sh gets fed up. Lets her emotions get the best of her, even take control. And then when that happens its all down hill from there get to opening that mouth and saying too much oh lord shes exposed how she really feel so now there is no turning back from this one, and yet its not one its many.
Anxiety gets so high she cant deal with the conflict. The confrontation either she erupts or becomes docile and introverted.
i gotta stop being afraid of the next step. of the success or the failure maybe i am afraid of the change because its EVEN more responsibility when you SUCCEED because its the whole KEEPING UP THE SUCCESS. But I’ve half assed it as much as i could went hard sporadically but i am ready for a revolution on my success im going to custom tailor this one just for me because its in my future to be more than a fuck up. I mastered that now i am brave enough to knock on success’ door.
i got to get back to these pages before i explode.
Zazzy N Baby (@LilBooTweet) tweeted at 0:04 PM on Wed, Apr 24, 2013: The rainy days melt and fade away leaving our feelings pent up in houses we are too ashamed to invite the muse of your torment in to. (https://twitter.com/LilBooTweet/status/327090585171279872)